


you were my last young renegade heartache

by inkedaffection



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on an All Time Low Song, Blowjobs, Crying, Fluff, Late Nights, M/M, Making Love, Parties, Realizations, Reunion Sex, San Francisco, Smut, a bit of violence and homophobia, idk what else to tag, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, nothing too intense though bc i can't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 16:43:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14336739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkedaffection/pseuds/inkedaffection
Summary: “I get what you mean now,” Harry said. “About cherishing the nights as one of your own.”Louis nodded and said, “That’s good, love.”Or, the one where Harry and Louis fall in love over the course of several late nights together, and everything is perfect...until it isn't.





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I've got another fic for you guys! This one is heavily inspired by All Time Low's latest album titled "Last Young Renegade". Oh, and also, it was inspired by a comment on one of ATL's music videos that said, "I wish my love story was an All Time Low song." I began writing this the time the album first came out, but I only had the chance to finish it now. Honestly, take it from me, it's a bit cliché, but it'll do. It's All Time Low's fault for releasing such a wonderful album. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading! ♡
> 
> PLAYLIST:  
> Arabella - Arctic Monkeys  
> Bad Habit - The Kooks  
> Last Young Renegade (Album) - All Time Low  
> Right Now - One Direction  
> Wrapped Around Your Finger - 5SOS

A gust of wind swept through the Californian atmosphere, making its way to the balcony of a stranger’s home – the very balcony where Harry currently stood in place. The light breeze ruffled his hair, causing some wisps to fall in front of his face. Harry ran his fingers through his windblown hair to fix it up and wrapped his arms around himself, tightening the coat he was clad in.

He looked down to observe the locale beneath and pondered for a moment how the hell he ended up in this house, how he had managed to let Niall convince him to go to this party. It was no high-end party with the girls in cocktail dresses sipping margarita and men in fancy outfits asking for another glass of white wine, nor was it a usual teenager’s party with all the extreme rowdiness and booze, or whatever it was kids were into these days. It was a party fitted in between the two stereotypes, a huge but decent get-together in this San Franciscan neighborhood with a nice setting.

_“Harry, there’s a party in the other neighborhood tomorrow night! Want to go?” Niall asked the second Harry muttered his greetings._

_“Niall,” Harry started. “You know I’m not really into parties.”_

_“C’mon Styles, live a little!” Niall laughed into the receiver. “I know the guy; he’s my brother’s friend.”_

_“And suddenly you have a connection?”_

_“I’m not kidding. Him, me, and Greg used to play footie together when we were kids.”_

_“Niall.”_

_“I’ve got no one else to invite. Please, H? Do it for me and my constant need to party? If you were ever my friend, you’d come with me and enjoy.”_

_Harry let out an exasperated sigh. “Fine, you owe me a lot. This will be the last time.”_

_Niall cheered into the phone and thanked Harry profusely before putting down the phone. His Friday night would be a long one._

Somehow, his night was not that bad since he was able to escape when Niall left him for greetings just as they entered the house. He was not completely anti-social to say the least, yeah, he did go to parties, but it was rare. He had nothing against them honestly, but there was this one thing about parties that ruined everything. It’s just, there was this thing nagging at the back of his mind that maybe he would enjoy parties if he had someone to call his that would show him off. The overwhelming feeling of loneliness would just hit him all of a sudden. Whatever, that stupid notion can go away. Besides, he preferred the other ways of hanging out.  His line of thoughts was interrupted by the slide of the glass door leading to the balcony and a familiar voice clouded with a thick Irish accent.

“Harry Styles, are you actually hiding out here?”

Harry groaned, and he made sure that Niall heard it. “Let me be.”

“Oh no,” Niall jested. “You promised that you would come with me AND enjoy with me.”

A sound of disbelief came out of Harry’s mouth. “I did not! And why are you not drunk yet?”

“I had a drink or two. Then, I realized that you were missing. I’m not that much of a dick of a friend to leave you all alone, you know?” Niall replied. He slung an arm around Harry’s shoulders, and with a little bit of force, the duo was able to go downstairs to where the party was at.

When they were down, Niall let go of Harry and gave him a gesture that meant, “Stay here.” Harry contemplated on escaping once again, but he knew that it would be useless to do so. He looked around for Niall, and saw him whispering something to someone – perhaps Greg’s friend. Harry rolled his eyes and directed his gaze to the little stage where there was someone performing.

 _Damn,_ Harry thought. _This place sure was made for parties._

The performance ended, and Niall was back at his side. The lad had a mischievous smirk upon his face, and Harry was dying to know why. The lad who Niall had been talking to earlier went up and spoke into the microphone.

“As per requested by my good friend Niall Horan,” he started. “Give it up for Harry Styles!”

The moment those words came out of the host’s mouth, Harry quickly turned to Niall with a look of horror and gave him a death stare after. Niall just burst out laughing, shrugged, and said, “That’s what you get when you break your promises. Now, go! The whole house is waiting!”

Harry considered escaping once more, but then he realized that he would be a killjoy, and he was not on that level of rudeness. He could only do that to Niall. _Fuck it,_ Harry thought. He downed a bit of the drink that was in Niall’s hand and made his way to the stage. There was a bit of applause and hollers.

Up there, he felt like he was at a bar gig. He also felt like Gabriella from High School Musical, only there was no Troy to accompany him in the moment. _It’s only a once in a lifetime experience to perform unless you’re a singer or aspiring to be one. I’m just blessed with a voice, so might as well._

Harry asked the band if they knew the song he was planning to sing, and in a few seconds, the familiar melody of the Arctic Monkeys’ _Arabella_ filled the room. Harry sung along with ease and enjoyment, even doing an Alex Turner impression in the process. Soon enough, the song was over and there was a chorus of whoops. Harry…had unexpectedly enjoyed it. Over the noise, he shouted another song title to the band, and then Harry was jamming to _Bad Habit_ by The Kooks.

“Thank you, people at Niall’s friend’s party!” Harry screamed after he had performed. “And fuck you Niall Horan!”

He was sweaty as he walked over back to Niall, but he was hyped up. He reached the said bloke who was clapping and smirking. Harry gave him a shove, then a hug. Niall told him that he was proud of Harry for getting out of his comfort zone and shit like that.

“Now, can I have my alone time? And maybe a drink too?” Harry asked.

“Drinks are on the kitchen counter, and yes, permission granted,” Niall laughed.

Harry grabbed a bottle of beer from the assortment on the counter and jogged up the stairs to go to the balcony.

He leaned into the breeze, took a sip of his drink, and laughed. “I can’t believe I did that,” Harry whispered to himself giddily. 

“You know,” an unfamiliar yet soothing voice said. “I came to this party to get drunk, not to get wasted and intoxicated on the lovely boy who just performed.”

Harry turned around to see a boy in a denim jacket. And damn, he was good-looking. Harry’s quite startled green eyes met the boy’s blue ones.

“That was a spontaneous performance, actually. Are you drunk? And flirting with me?” Harry countered, an amused look on his face.

“Well, as I’ve said earlier, I might be drunk on your aura?” 

“What card are you pulling on me, huh?”

The blue-eyed stranger chuckled, and gave him a salute with two fingers. He walked over to Harry’s side and said, “Nothing, I promise. Just purely fascinated. And spontaneity? Plus points!” He then felt around in his pockets for something before pulling out a box of cigarettes and a lighter. “Mind if I?”

Harry gave him a small smile and replied, “Go ahead, I don’t mind.”

The lad then proceeded to light up a cigar stick, putting it between his lips afterwards. Harry went back to observing the view, discreetly giving quick glances to the boy who was stood beside him on the balcony and occasionally letting out puffs of smoke. Surprisingly, the thick silence following their first encounter was broken by the stranger himself.

“So,” he began. “What are you doing here all alone?”

“Nothing,” Harry answered. “The hype after performing’s still up, I guess. Needed to calm down and ponder on the fact that I did what I don’t usually do.”

The guy looked at Harry and stretched out his hand after. “I’m Louis. Louis Tomlinson,” he said.  

“I’m Harry Styles.”

“I know. Well Harry, what do you say about getting out of here? An after-party of our own, yeah?” Louis said to him, a mischievous glint present in his electrifying blue eyes.

Harry shot Louis back a playful grin. “Definitely flirting. I’m totally up for it, though.”

Louis extended his hand out to Harry, and the curly-haired lad gratefully accepted the little gesture Louis had offered. The two rushed downstairs hand in hand.

“Hey,” Harry blurted out. “I just have to find my friend Niall and tell him not to wait up for me.”

Louis nodded and helped Harry search for his mate Niall, who apparently had slicked back blonde hair, a very loud laugh, and an imminent Irish accent. As Louis had learned, he was also the friend that set Harry up for the performance. Harry had spotted him on the sofa, surrounded by a couple people, and babbling out incoherent lyrics to some song he was probably making up. Drunk already, as usual.

“Niall,” Harry said as he tapped his friend on the shoulder. “I’m leaving, okay?”

Niall’s hazy-eyed gaze flicked back and forth between the two boys and their still entwined hands. He gave Harry a thumbs up, a cheeky smirk and a whoop of, “Get it, Styles! One day you’re gonna thank me for dragging your ass to this party!” Harry rolled his eyes and patted his head before dragging Louis to the front door.

 It was around two in the morning, and they were in a nearby park. Harry and Louis were sat on one of the benches situated in the area, munching on the food they got from McDonald’s on the way. They played a round of twenty questions, taking turns on asking each other about themselves.

“You know, when most people leave clubs or parties, what they usually leave with is a fling,” Harry stated out of the blue. “I didn’t expect that we would be sitting here at 2AM, eating fries and stuff.”

Louis smirked. “Why? Were you expecting that we would be getting down and dirty?”

Harry felt his cheeks redden. “Just saying.”

“Well, I’m not like most people, Harry Styles,” Louis explained. “I prefer living my life to the fullest and coming alive alongside the nights San Francisco gives me.”

Harry was about to counter Louis’ words and call him a philanthropist when all of a sudden, a roar of thunder erupted from the sky, which made Harry shriek and move closer to Louis, much to the said lad’s amusement. Soon, droplets of rain began to fall and then turned into a full-blown shower.

Louis decided to run into the middle of the park into the open air, the trees amongst him providing no cover, and he began to dance around, letting out a few chuckles and screams.

“Don’t you dare get into the car!” Louis called out to Harry, who was running to the car, wanting to seek cover. Louis saw no point in it as Harry was already wet from the rain; it wouldn’t kill to get him sopping. (It would get him a cold, however.) He ran as fast as he could to Harry and hauled him into the space.

“No, Louis,” Harry complained while attempting to let go of Louis’ hand.

“Nope, dance with me!”

Harry threw his head back in a groan and just gave in to Louis. He let Louis twirl him around and made sure to keep a straight face all the way, but moments later he dissolved into a fit of laughter too along with Louis.

“Louis,” Harry said. He was shivering despite the extra layer of clothing which was the coat. “Can we dry ourselves now please?”

“C’mere,” Louis replied, wrapping an arm around Harry’s shoulder, keeping him as close as possible to get him warm. He led Harry to the car and they went inside. Louis took his denim jacket which he had shrugged off earlier at McDonald's and placed it around Harry’s cold figure.

“Good thing,” Louis stated, his own teeth chattering. “I left my jacket in here.”

Harry tried to take the jacket off him and protested that Louis was freezing too, but Louis insisted that he could manage. Minutes later when they had both warmed up a bit, Louis drove Harry home.

“Here’s your jacket,” Harry said when they had arrived, handing back the article of clothing Louis owned through the car window.

“Keep it first. Can I have your number? I’d like to see you again, Harry Styles.”

“Okay,” Harry blushed. The two lads hastily exchanged numbers and goodnights, even though it was technically morning, and Louis was off to his own house.

And that very early morning, as Harry went about to take a rest, he fell asleep thinking about a lot of things such as the entirety of Louis, the badgering opinion he had about parties, and lastly, a string of ironic words to start off a probable new chapter in Harry’s life – ‘ _We had met at a party.’_

***

It had been around a week and a half since the party and luckily, Harry was no longer stuck with that stupid cold he had gotten, most probably caused by his and Louis’ shenanigans in the rain. Speaking of Louis, the two lads have been in contact, frequently texting and calling each other at whatever chances they got,  from the point they wake up to the point one of them falls asleep while texting or calling. They just really hit it off.

It had all started the day after the party when Harry was awoken from his slumber by the sound of his phone blaring out his ringtone. It turned out that the caller was Niall, who interrogated him about his and Louis’ night. (Harry was also forced to say his thanks to Niall because if it weren’t for the party and shit, Harry wouldn’t have met Louis.) When the call had ended, Harry’s mind immediately shifted to Louis and he decided to give him a call. And here they were now, ten in the evening, talking once again about whatever came up.

“I’m not sick anymore, see,” Harry said into the phone. He let out a sniffle that showed no sign of his nose being clogged. “I made sure to drink my medicine, stay hydrated, and get the right amount of rest. God, I hated being sick. Fuck colds.”

Louis laughed. “Same here love. What are you doing?”

“Nothing interesting, really. I’m just lying here in bed and talking to you.”

“Do you want to do something interesting?” Louis questioned.

Harry could hear the impish tone laced in Louis’ voice. “It depends on what it is. What did you have in mind?”

“Let me take you out on a date.”

Of all the things Harry presumed Louis would say, the words that just came out from his mouth were the least that Harry expected, but definitely something that Harry had hoped for ever since. He couldn’t fight back the grin as he gave Louis an okay.

“Great, I’ll be there in a few minutes or so,” Louis responded. “See you!”

The call ended and Harry scrambled up from his bed to take a quick shower and put on some clothes. In seven minutes, he was ready for his and Louis’ ever so spontaneous date. Harry went down to wait in the living room where his mum and his sister were watching a movie.

“Where are you off to at this time, H?” Gemma asked him.

“Oh, I’m going out with someone,” Harry stammered out, scratching the back of his neck.

“Is it the guy from the party?”

Just as Harry was about to answer, the doorbell rang. Harry waved at the two of them as they told him to enjoy. He rushed to the door and there stood Louis, dressed as if he had just gotten out of a flight but still beautiful nonetheless.

“Hey,” Louis greeted. “Shall we go?”

Harry nodded and let out a goodbye to his family before he stepped out the door. “So,” Harry drawled out. “What are tonight’s plans?”

“You know what,” Louis answered. “I actually don’t know.”

Harry let out a breathy laugh. “Seriously?”

“I’ll tell you something, Harry,” Louis started. “Dates don’t always have to be associated with dinners or movies, or going somewhere. They don’t have to be pre-planned or anything. I think that as long as you’re with the other person, you spend some time together, and enjoy each other’s company, it’s considered a date. I’m just breaking the stereotype here.”

Harry applauded, then stated, “I like your way of thinking, honestly.” He intertwined his hands with Louis’ and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. The lad just gave Harry a soft smile, and the pair made their way to Louis’ car.

They drove around the vicinity for a while before Louis pulled up to what seemingly looked like the middle of nowhere – perhaps a farther part of an empty and quiet street in one of the other surrounding neighborhoods.

“What has your unpremeditated self thought of now?” Harry asked as Louis held the car door open for him and helped him out.

“Hmm, I was thinking that we get all romantic or something on the hood of my car,” answered Louis.

“Then so be it.”

Louis and Harry then settled on Louis’ car hood, with Harry tucked under Louis’ arm. They sat in silence, Louis’ eyes drooping, until Harry noted quietly, “You can see the stars clearly from here.”

Louis blinked open and looked up. The night sky wasn’t technically really full of stars, but sure, it was enough, sort of like someone had crushed a diamond and threw the remnants into the sky.  “Oh yeah, wow.”

“Should we find constellations?” Harry prompted.

“Sure thing, love, but I think the only one I can find is one of them dippers.”

Harry giggled and resumed looking up at the sky. Shortly, Harry had lifted up his pointer finger and did this motion as if he was connecting the dots. He grinned at Louis and said, “Found your dipper, Lou.”

“Is it the small one or the big one?” Louis questioned, trying to fixate his gaze on where Harry was pointing at. Eventually, he saw it, and he found himself looking at the Big Dipper.

“This is wonderful!” Harry exclaimed, clapping his hands giddily.

“Great, now we can find the bear!”

They passed the time by searching for as much constellations as they could find, but they only ended up spotting just a very few – somewhere around 4 or 5 –  because they had difficulties. At one point even, Louis had gotten bored and impatient, and asked if there was such a thing as a dick constellation. Harry had guffawed and hit Louis on the arm, while the joking lad cackled. That incident led to them making up constellations of their own as they made jokes along the way. (Louis had seriously pursued on finding a constellation in the shape of a dick.)

Finished with their little stargazing session, they were back to the night’s starting point – complete silence and little cuddles. Harry was absentmindedly tapping his fingers on Louis’ chest while Louis carded his fingers through the curls that belonged to the boy by his side. A night had never felt so good, so right, a sense of _I don’t want this to end_ lingering in the air. Harry’s drumming stopped, and he lifted himself upward ever so slightly. Louis gave him a concerned look, but then suddenly, Harry had his hand on the back of Louis’ neck and he pulled the lad towards him, connecting their lips together.

Louis was taken aback by Harry’s actions, but nevertheless, he shut his eyes tighter and kissed back. Their kiss was a mixture of warm, soft lips caressing each other and a hint of heatedness present somewhere. It was good while it lasted though, because Harry was the first one to pull away after a minute or so.

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled. He looked down and fiddled with his fingers. “I didn’t mean to come on you like that.”

Louis took Harry’s hand and stroked it with his own. “No worries, I liked it.” He watched the way Harry’s eyes lit up, and the way the corners of his mouth turned up into a grin. Louis genuinely reciprocated Harry’s happy expression and hopped off the car.

“Here’s to another great night with Harry Styles!” Louis screamed, arms splayed out wide open. He broke out into a Backstreet Boys tune loudly and ran around in circles. Harry was laughing so hard and he tried to sing along when he could. Exhausted, Louis flung himself back down next to Harry and landed a brisk, short kiss on his lips.

“I get what you mean now,” Harry said. “About cherishing the nights as one of your own.”

Louis nodded and said, “That’s good, love.”

***

Over the span of almost two months, a lot had happened. Louis and Harry were still inseparable, of course, and the two really kept their word about owning the night with their antics and hangouts, or presumably, dates. Late nights were their thing now no matter how it was spent, and late nights were sure as hell meant for them. And maybe, just maybe, the two of them were meant for each other too.

Sometimes, the two would hang out together with Niall and Louis’ best mate, Zayn, and the four of them would kick back at a pub. Other times, they’d swim at Zayn’s, much to Harry’s surprise after finding out Zayn had a pool.

_“Hey, Zayn texted and asked if we wanted to go swimming at his tonight. Is that okay?”_

_“They have a pool?” Harry asked._

_Louis nodded. “He invited Niall too.”_

_“Well, wow. Okay, that sounds fun. Breakfast now?”_

_“Okay, baby.”_

_They spent the afternoon baking, since Harry claimed he was suddenly in the mood to do so, plus it would be nice to bring the baked goods to Zayn’s just in case they got hungry, so Louis assisted Harry in whipping up some walnut fudge brownies. As they waited for the brownies to be baked, they decided to start on the movie Firestarter, which they didn’t finish because Harry wanted to take a nap and cuddle once the brownies were all done._

_By 7 o’clock, they were up and ready to go to Zayn’s with Louis driving, but first, they had to pick Niall up from his house four blocks away from Harry’s._

_“Zayn and I better not be the third and fourth wheels,” Niall said jokingly once he had gotten into the car._

_“Whatever,” Harry shot back with an equally joking tone, rolling his eyes and reaching over the console to twine his fingers with Louis’, mainly to spite Niall. Louis grazed his lips against their hands. Niall made a vomiting sound and said, “Don’t start, ugh, you two are disgusting.” The couple just cackled._

_Later that night when they hung at Zayn’s place, they drank beer, finished the two boxes of pizza Zayn had ordered, and ate the brownies Harry and Louis had baked. When it came to the swimming part, Louis had pushed Harry into the pool, jumping in after. The other two boys followed, not sober enough to care about what was happening. That had led to a drunken game of Marco Polo and Harry had ended up giving Louis a piggy back ride in the pool. (At one point in the game, Louis had kissed Harry against the pool ledge.) The four lads were just having the time of their lives together, and the night went uninterrupted ‘til all of them were so damn wasted and worn out._

But most of the time though, it was just Harry and Louis. Either they chill at Harry’s place to watch movies or do the things Louis had come up with, like that time they snuck into a village’s private playground, and that time they nicked some spray paint from Zayn to write L+H on a graffiti wall.

Harry diverted his gaze back to the phone in his hand. He typed up his goodnight to Louis, who had just sent a goodnight text of his own beforehand. It was quite unusual for them to part ways through text this early, added the fact that Louis was the first one to end their chats. Normally, it would be Harry doing that with his tendency to fall asleep easily and all that, but apparently this night was not the usual. Harry shrugged it off, coming to the conclusion that Louis was probably sleepy and exhausted.

Harry walked over to the light switch by his bedroom door to put off the lights before plopping back down to his bed. He pulled the sheets up to his chin and he shifted to get comfortable, opting to face the wall.

An hour or so passed, and Harry was enjoying his peaceful slumber, that was until he was awoken by the sound of three knocks which seemed to come from the window. Harry groaned and tried to get back to sleep, when even louder and frantic knocks came along. Harry forced himself to sit up and open his eyes, feeling groggy that he had just been woken up. He turned his head to the window and saw a figure. Harry fought back a scream as the figure tapped at his window.

He took deep breaths and trudged over to switch the lights on. Once the room was engulfed with brightness, Harry turned to the window and saw that the figure was a familiar one. It smiled at him and pressed its face on the glass. Harry opened the window and gave the person on the other side a little punch.

“Whoa now,” Louis laughed, holding onto the window pane to support himself. He was sitting on Harry’s roof. “Don’t want me to fall off, do you?”

“You fucking scared me,” Harry seethed. “What the hell are you doing here? You sent me a goodnight text.”

“I just wanted to see ‘ya,” Louis reasoned sheepishly.

“Why didn’t you just take the front door and text me to open it up or something?”

 “Surprise, I guess? I didn’t wanna hassle you into going down.”

Harry grumbled, “It was already more than a hassle with what you just did.”

Louis chuckled. “C’mon love, sit with me.”

Harry adhered to Louis, appearing to have forgiven Louis for his act, and he stuck both feet out the glass window and gently pushed himself off so that he was fully on the roof. He sat next to Louis as the latter placed an arm around him.

“Hi,” Louis murmured.

“Hi,” Harry replied softly, nuzzling into Louis.

Louis suggested that they watch the people that passed by on the streets and make up their stories. Harry remarked that there wouldn’t be much people passing by and what they were about to do was stereotyping. Louis shook his head fondly and pulled Harry closer.

They stayed like that for a moment before Harry mumbled something into Louis’ chest. Louis hummed. “What’d you say?”

“I asked,” Harry replied. “Um, where do we stand?”

“We’re not even standing, love. We’re sitting on your roof.”

“I swear I’m going to push you off the roof. I’m being serious. You know exactly what I mean.”

“I thought it was obvious, yeah?” Louis responded. “You’re mine, and I’m yours. Did you want me to pop the question anyway?”

Harry fought back a grin.

“Be my boyfriend,” Louis voiced out.

Harry released himself from their embrace and leaned to give Louis a brief kiss. “Gladly,” he whispered against Louis’ lips. Louis smiled and attached their lips once more.

“I think my job here is done,” Louis said.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I just missed your face.” Louis pinched Harry’s cheeks.

“And you decided to go by the roof?”

“I liked the little thrill it gave.”

Harry snorted and put his head on Louis’ shoulder, closing his eyes. Louis pressed a kiss to the top of his head and said, “I’ll go now, you get back to resting.” Harry protested but Louis coaxed him to just go to bed.  The lad reluctantly agreed and wrapped his boyfriend – ah, it sounded wonderful – up into an embrace before letting him go. He watched as Louis climbed down the roof carefully and jogged down to the streets. Harry gave him a sleepy wave as Louis waved back. He climbed into the window to get into his room and listened to the sound of a motorcycle engine rumbling.

 _Ah, he took his motorcycle_ , Harry thought.

He got himself back in bed, closed his eyes, and let sleep drift over him happily.

***

Harry was not moping. Okay, maybe he was, a little bit. It was Thursday night, and Louis wasn’t answering his texts, not even during the morning. Harry was a clingy person, and he was sure getting worried that he had done something wrong because his boyfriend was ignoring him for an unknown reason. Harry considered going to bed early and just call it a night, when Gemma shouted from downstairs.

“Harry!” Gemma had called. “Your lover boy is here!” Her call was followed by the distinct sound of the front door shutting and some murmuring. Harry never ran down the stairs that fast in his entire life.  And there Louis stood wearing all black, hair mussed, and a motorcycle helmet grasped in his arms.

Harry threw himself on Louis and buried his face into the lad’s neck. He pulled away a few seconds into it and whispered, “I actually thought you were giving me the silent treatment over text.” Gemma let out a snort and moved back to where she was sitting, giving the two some privacy.

“I was out with my sisters this morning,” Louis laughed. “And I was on my way here. I couldn’t reply. Sorry.”

 “Why the motorcycle today?”

Louis’ grin grew wider and by that, Harry had an idea on what Louis was thinking. It was like they were telepathic.

“Give me a few minutes,” Harry said, rushing upstairs. Something along the lines of “Go sit with Gemma!” followed. He came back down in approximately four minutes, all dressed up. Louis was sat on the sofa with Gemma, the pair making small talk. Harry then made his presence known.

“’M ready.”

“Go on then,” Gemma said as Louis took the helmet and stood. “You two have fun and be careful!”

“There’s an extra helmet for you in the compartment,” Louis said, getting himself ready for the ride.  Harry opened it and found a helmet somewhat identical to Louis’. He put it on. Louis sat on the motorcycle, starting it up. He beckoned Harry to hop on and Harry complied, his hands now wrapped around Louis’ figure and chest snug against the other boy’s back.

“Off we go,” Louis said, and they were riding off.

San Francisco was undoubtedly fast-paced, and definitely was one of the most dynamic cities in California. Its city lights shone down on the people bustling about – strolling down the sidewalk, going in and out of shops, scampering off to night clubs and bars. Several cars and motorcycles made their way to wherever, and Harry watched the city coming to life with awe.

“Still wanna drive around, sweetheart?” Louis asked in the midst of a small traffic along a part of the huge Union Square. “Or d’ya wanna get down and check out what they have?”

“I think we should still drive around,” Harry responded. “We can check stuff out later.”

So that’s what they did for a good fifteen minutes before Louis turned back the motorcycle and directed it to the route that led to the shops and restaurants they passed by earlier. They shared a milkshake at a nearby shop, and proceeded to walk down the district hand-in-hand as Harry marveled at several pieces of clothing displayed.

Harry didn’t know what came over him when he dragged Louis to an empty alley. He rested his back against the brick wall while he grabbed Louis by the collar, allowing them to touch nose to nose. He brushed his lips against Louis’ before whispering, “I’m so happy.”

Louis pulled away for a second, the corners of his mouth turning up. Then, he pulled Harry in for a much more intimate kiss. His fingertips dug into Harry’s waist, and he felt Harry slacken. Harry knotted his fingers in Louis’ shirt, and the two just let the moment go on.

Both of them have never felt the way they do in their current state. It has been coming up to a bit of a long time since they met each other, and they felt as if what they were was everything they’ve ever wanted and needed. The night was telling them that it was thinking of love and it was thinking of them being tied together by the stars.

Finally, Louis and Harry pulled away, their breathing uneven and heavy. They both broke out into a laughter, and Louis peppered Harry’s face with little kisses.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” Harry said with a quiet laugh as they walked back to the motorcycle.

“I,” Louis began to say. “Me too. Loved it though.”

 _And I might love you,_ Harry thought.

Their evening came to an end, and Louis took Harry home, not letting him inside and giving him a kiss against the motorcycle. Everything was perfect and falling into place, just like the way the moon rises to shed light in the darkness…until it wasn’t.

***

Louis smiled to himself as he shut the door to his house. He had just gotten home from another one of his and Harry’s rendezvous. They rode actual bikes around the neighborhood and gave their own names to the streets. They also had the time to go to a tattoo parlor and get small matching tattoos. It was nothing too special, but everything was special and of meaning when Harry and Louis were together. Louis flicked on the light switch and was surprised to see a man sitting on the couch with a bottle of vodka.

“What are you doing here?” Louis asked calmly, but it was evident that he was forcing himself to stay composed even if he was ready to let loose in the inside. His eyes shot daggers at the man – his biological father, the one who had left him at just two years old, and the person who left his mum to raise him.

“Oh, nothing,” his dad laughed. “Just paying a visit.”

Louis clenched his fists at his side and practically growled. “Where’s mum?”

“Getting the money I need.”

“You’re fucked up.”

His dad – if Louis should even call him that – cackled. He stood up and walked closer to Louis. The younger lad stood his ground, ready to fight in case something happened.

“And you think getting home late this night isn’t fucked up?” the man said. “Where the fuck have you been, then?”

“Wow, you’re the one to talk,” Louis answered, his voice raising. “And it’s none of your business.”

The man finally had Louis cornered and he grabbed him by the shirt. “I’m still your father, you piece of shit. Answer me.”

Louis’ heart was racing, and he fought back the urge to throw a punch at the stupid man. “I was out. With my boyfriend.”

The man released Louis and let out a snort. “I knew it. You were always a worthless disappointment to me. A fag, a twink, a fucking fairy. You’re nothing more than a pile of dirt.”

Louis could feel tears welling up in his eyes. He never let anything get to him, but damn it, it hurt at the moment. It was a low blow to him. He tried to stay strong, but eventually, he lost it. “Fuck you,” Louis spat out. “Fuck you for leaving mom! Fuck you for being a worthless father! Fuck you! What the fuck are you still doing here, you –”

He was cut off by a punch thrown to his cheek. The pain was blinding, and Louis allowed the waterworks to flow freely. Fuck this man, honestly. His supposed father screamed at him some more, throwing slurs at him and bringing him down.

Luckily, his mum came down, and she gasped in shock at the sight. “Louis,” she whispered. She ran down to her son’s side and pulled him into her arms.

“Get out, Troy,” she said, venom laced in her voice. “You’ve got time to run seeing that I’ve called the authorities already. Bother us once more and I bet you won’t see the light of day.”

The man threw the bottle of vodka near them and it shattered. He opened the door and stepped out, not before spitting out another slur.

Louis broke down and sobbed into his mother’s arms. Jay hushed Louis and hugged him tighter. “What did he say to you?”

“Everything it takes to bring me down,” Louis replied weakly. “Please don’t tell my siblings. Please, please. They don’t need to know.”

“They’re fast asleep,” his mum answered. “Don’t worry. I’m so sorry it had to turn out like this,”

Louis took a deep breath and told her that he was going to his room. Jay let him go with a kiss to the forehead.

When he got to his bedroom, he locked the door and sobbed into his pillow. Why did it hurt so much? He never felt anything like that before. He grew up in a family of love, and he grew up to love. As he grew up, he wondered why Troy left them so early, but he learned to ignore it because of the happiness his mum, his step-father, and his siblings gave. The hole his biological father left expanded for the first time in years.

He didn’t know what came over him when he finally got himself together. He searched for the cheapest and quickest flights from San Francisco to New York and booked it. He packed up all his stuff in a rush, except for this one shirt. He stuck a note to it and intended to drop it by at Harry’s before hailing a cab. Louis also wrote a note to his mum, saying not to worry, and that he was just going to stay in New York a bit to clear his mind.

Louis was so overcome by hurt that he didn’t have the time to think through his decisions. He didn’t know what he was leaving behind. All he knew was that he was off to New York with his stuff, his self, a bruised cheek, a broken heart, and the worst excuses.

***

There was a paper bag sitting at Harry’s doorstep the moment he got out to take a whiff of the fresh morning air. Harry smiled. It was probably from Louis. He grabbed the package and took a seat at the little garden set. He peered inside the bag and saw a black shirt.

Harry took it out of the bag fully and saw that it was Louis’ shirt – the black one with a vampire’s mouth. It was one of the shirts that Harry loved seeing Louis in. But there was a catch – a note was attached. It simply read, _“It’s not you. It’s me. And I’m sorry.”_


	2. After

Harry felt his hands shake, and the beat of his heart was going crazy with anxiety. He didn’t understand. What was happening? What did Louis mean? Harry had this irrational fear that Louis was going to get tired of him someday, and the note…it rendered that fear.

He fumbled for his phone in his pocket, and when he had it in his hands, he immediately dialed Louis’ number. There was nothing but rings, and Louis wasn’t answering. Harry tried several more times but to no avail.  Harry texted him multiple times, but they weren’t even read.

Harry couldn’t take it any longer. He didn’t bother to change out of his sleepwear and slippers, and he just hopped onto his bike. He didn’t care if he looked like a lunatic pedaling his way into the other neighborhood. He didn’t want to take the car because then he would have to go back inside for the car keys. Harry was desperate to find out what was going on.

Arriving at the Tomlinson residence, he got off his bike and rang the doorbell. The door opened and Louis’ mum stepped out, her face gloomy. There was evidence that she had been crying, for her cheeks were stained with tear tracks. Harry also felt like crying.

“Oh, Harry,” Jay started. “It’s just you.”

“I…Louis?” Harry stammered.

“I’m so sorry, love,” she whispered. “He left town.”

Harry felt as if his heart was made of paper, and it had been trampled on, crumpled, cut into fragments, ripped, and thrown somewhere. “He… he left me a note and his shirt. I don’t…I don’t get it. He said that he was sorry and it…it wasn’t me but him. Please tell me it’s not true,” he stuttered.

Jay nodded sadly. “It’s true, dear. He also left us a note saying that we shouldn’t worry about him; he was just staying in NYC for a while.”

“But why?”

“Why don’t you come inside?”

Jay made some tea for the both of them, and she told Harry about the visit of Louis’ biological dad earlier. It apparently had affected Louis so much and hell, it had even gotten him injured.

Harry buried his face into his hands, and his eyes began to water until he was full-on crying. Jay tried to comfort Harry, saying that it wasn’t his fault, and that Louis probably loved him very much. He just needed space.

“I’m sorry for barging this early,” Harry sniffled. “I love your son, and he’s…he’s gotten me so worried.”

“It’s alright, Harry. Go get some rest. Let’s hope everything turns out for the best.”

Harry cried on the bike ride home, and he cried even more when he lay down in bed. Louis went to New York City to clear his head and focus on himself, and Harry wasn’t sure if he would ever see his boy again. Deep down he knew that Louis needed that, but Harry just wanted Louis. Call it selfish, but Harry was just overpowered by love. It hurt so much, but he needed to understand. How would he?

***

Harry rarely smoked. He only smoked once or twice, but this time, he had a reason to. It had been several weeks after Louis left, and he never tried to answer any of Harry’s calls. And that’s what hurt the most.

It was midnight, and Harry was stood underneath a streetlamp in the park where Louis and him danced in the rain. He had a cigarette between his lips, and his mind was drifting over to thoughts of Louis. And there was the ache again, pinches of salt rubbed against his wounded heart. A tear fell down his cheek, and he let his mind wander even more.

It still fucking hurt. Why did it have to be that way? Why is it that what Louis and Harry had – have – was like smoking this damn cigarette? People smoked for a lot of different reasons, maybe for the purpose of enjoyment or for the purpose of escapism. Either way, those who smoked enjoyed the way the nicotine and formaldehyde filled them up, blending in with the other chemicals that entered their bloodstream. And the habit of smoking? It was like love – enjoyable, unstoppable, for a purpose. But most of the time, love, too, could break a person. It would leave a hole in the heart, the same way cigar smoke would deteriorate the lungs.

That’s what Harry thought. As he moved to sit down, he also knew that he was about to break down. He watched the smoke from his killing stick fade away, just like the way memories of him and Louis slowly did – memories where the night air would be just full of love and happiness.

“It is what it is,” Harry says to himself softly, glancing at the letters of “I CAN’T CHANGE” littered across his wrist. Louis got quotation marks to match Harry, but that was another story.

He did try to reach out to Louis, but his boy just wouldn’t budge. He also wanted to try to go to New York, but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. Harry decided that maybe, it was time for him to understand. To walk with understanding and grief was better than to walk with bitterness and grief, for him at least. He couldn’t spend his entire life hurting, because Louis was hurting too. He would just move on with his life, but that didn’t mean he’d forget how much he loved and missed Louis. If Louis needed it, then it was Harry’s duty to support him. If Louis was happy, then Harry was happy too. Typical, but true. Even if it had turned out like this, his love for Louis Tomlinson would never go away.

***

Three months passed, and Harry’s hurt had passed too. He only had scars, not wounds, and that was okay. He spent those three months chilling with Niall and Zayn – swimming, clubbing, and all those shit friends do. Sometimes, he’d just lock himself up in his room and write in his journal. It was his new hobby. He wrote poems, songs, and tried to do some art. He was sort of like a happier, hipster Orpheus, or something. It was an improvement.

Meanwhile, in New York City, the three months for Louis actually went on smoothly. He was currently staying in a flat he shared with Liam Payne – a guy he met at the bar that fateful night.  He was also currently working in a record shop along with the same Liam. The job didn’t pay much, but it was enough to help Liam with the expenses and the rent. Louis vaguely remembered the night he arrived in New York.

_It must’ve been an unusual sight – a teenage boy with tear stains and a bruised cheek, wandering around the airport. He definitely looked lost, and he sure was feeling the same way inside. He was already starting to regret his stupid, spur-of-the-moment choice, but he realized that he might need it._

_Louis checked into a cheap hotel somewhere in Manhattan (which was like, an hour’s drive from the airport), dropped his stuff off, and proceeded to find a bar. Of course, the first thing that he decided to do was to get drunk. Perhaps it would help drown out the pain._

_Maybe there were still hints of luck by Louis’ side because at the bar he went to, he met a cool guy named Liam Payne whom he hit it off with real quick. Liam intently listened to Louis’ story (which ironically was told with laughter following tears) and afterwards, he told Louis that his flat had enough space for another person. If Louis wanted to crash and stay, then it was more than okay for Liam._

_“Really?” Louis asked in disbelief._

_Liam nodded. “It’s no problem, Louis. It gets a bit lonely at my flat, so it’d be nice to have a change.”_

_“You have no idea how grateful I am to you!_

_“Oh and I could also help you get a job at the record shop I work in if you want?” Liam mentioned. “So, you know, you could find something to do, I guess?”_

_Louis agreed. “Yeah, yeah, plus, it’s only fair. I could help with the expenses, since, we’re well, flat mates now. Ugh, thanks for everything Liam. As in thank you. I’ve known you for like an hour or two but it feels like we’ve been friends forever.”_

_Liam laughed and said, “It’s no problem, Louis. Always here.”_

_Louis went from broken boy staying in a hotel to a happy one staying in the flat of a nice guy he just met. It might be a tad bit weird, but perhaps his New York City decision would turn out for the good._

Louis was snapped out of his reminiscent trance by the sound of something hitting his desk. It was just Liam, making his presence known.

“Hey Lou,” Liam spoke. “We’ve got a whole new bunch of music that just arrived. Help me place ‘em in their respective racks?”

“Sure thing.”

Liam and Louis each took crates from the storage room – Liam taking charge of the vinyl and Louis with the albums – and carried them into the store proper. They began to get to work, placing the music to their rightful place.

It wasn’t a busy day at the record shop, so they were able to organize the vinyl and albums with ease.

“Hey Liam, have you ever taken an album or record from here sneakily? Or like, have you ever thought of doing it?” Louis blurted out of the blue.

Liam let out an easily audible laugh from the other side of the room and responded, “Where do you think the shitload of music I have at home came from?”

“You cheeky shit!”

“Why, have you seen something you like?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Louis glanced down at the album he had in hand – All Time Low’s newest one called _Last Young Renegade_ – which he was just about to place in the pop rock section of the rack, together with the A’s. There was just something captivating about the way the title sounded.

“Take it then!” said Liam. “What’ve you gotten?”

“The new stuff by All Time Low?”

“Ah, great band! I’ve got a couple of their stuff at home and they never disappoint.”

“Can’t wait.”

The two had finished organizing half a batch of music by lunchtime, since the other half was meant for stocks. By 2PM, their shift was done.

When they got home, Liam announced that he was going to take a nap, while Louis decided to have a movie marathon all by himself. Halfway through _Coyote Ugly_ , he remembered that there was a sort of stolen album sitting in his bag, waiting to be listened to. He stopped the movie and ran to get the thing from his room. Once he did, he popped the CD into Liam’s player and let himself get absorbed.

By the end of the last song, Louis’ heart, mind, and soul was taken aback. Each song gave him rushes of nostalgia and traces of emotions he didn’t know existed. The album was everything he didn’t know he needed – the perfect embodiment of what his life was in San Francisco.

_San Francisco._

As Louis sat on the couch, it finally dawned onto him what he had left behind in San Francisco – his loving family, nights infused with wondrous hours, and his Harry. He knew that he had hurt every single one of them by leaving and not answering their calls and texts, but was he being selfish? Was it even considered selfish to take a break because he hurt so badly? He didn’t even fucking know. He also knew that New York was not his forever, because New York City was a spur of the moment settlement, and his heart was left in San Francisco. He now understood why Tony Bennett had written that classic. However, there was a catch: would he be able to face the ones he hurt? Would he be able to trade his newfound life for the one he had before? Louis knew the answer was indeed a yes, but he just didn’t know how. He didn’t even realize he was crying until he felt someone dip beside him on the couch and pull him into a hug.

“Oh, Lou, what happened?” Liam queried. “Don’t tell me you’re crying over the album,” he added jokingly.

“Partly,” Louis replied, letting out a wet laugh. “It’s just that you know why I moved to New York, yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“And it was an impulsive decision, a hundred percent impetuous. And this album was the epitome of what you’d call the sentimental, wistful craving for the past filled with joy. But at the same time, it also points out mistakes of the youth and distress. It basically screams out Louis Tomlinson!” Louis ranted. “And now I’ve become fully aware of how stupid I am.”

Louis was currently like a volcano of emotions – everything he bottled up inside was now exposed in his explosion of rants. He went on about his feelings whilst Liam listened with an open heart. Louis told him of how he missed his mum and his siblings, how they were probably overcome with sadness when he left, but he knew they were understanding. He told Liam of how he missed the bustle of his hometown, the satisfaction-suffused hours he spent after the sunset, and the locked-away chest of love, passion, and contentment. And Louis told his friend and flat mate of how he missed Harry so much, his boy, who was either extra heartbroken or had moved on sadly with life. Louis missed his life in the Californian place he held so dear, but he really couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Liam when he was so nice and stuff. And he actually found solace in the Big Apple.

“Louis,” Liam started. “I definitely agree that this was a stupid decision, but it had a purpose. It isn’t at all selfish to have space for yourself. But as your friend, I want you to be happy. You do realize that you finally got what you wanted, yeah? You traveled all the way here to clear your mind, find happiness, and all that shit. And you did, yeah? You’re happy, and you finally got over whatever bad thing happened back there. I can tell that your true happiness is in SF, but not that you’re not happy here. Are you?”

Louis laughed and gave Liam a hug. “Of course I’m happy here, Li. But yeah, everything you said is right. Thanks for everything, Liam. I already knew from the start that you were an angel in disguise.”

“If you return to San Fran, don’t forget about me, okay?”

“’Course.”

That night, Louis couldn't sleep. He couldn’t put a stop to the debate going inside his head: SF or NYC? He was already done with step one and two, which was to find a sense of belonging without forethought, and then to realize how dumb he was because he let one bad thing affect the sense of belonging he didn’t know he originally had. The next step was to find a solution for his stupidity, which was just partly done. Everything was swirling in Louis’ mind, and if he didn’t get his shit together, sooner or later, there would be a labyrinth in Louis’ mind. Nothing would make sense.

Louis thought a lot about Liam said, and his friend was the only one who made sense. Eventually, Louis did get his shit together by making a pros and cons list, and he decided what home was. Twenty minutes later, he had a flight back to San Francisco which was in two weeks time.  He was going to tell Liam in the morning.

***

“Liam,” Louis said over breakfast with a mouthful of cereal. “Don’t get mad at me.”

“Oh no,” Liam replied. “What’d you do?”

“Um, decided to go back home?”

Liam almost spat out the coffee he was drinking. “Holy crap, are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m leaving in two weeks.”

Liam got up to give Louis a hug. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

“What about you though?”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m a strong, independent man who can completely handle himself. Just promise to give me a call once in a while. And go visit me if you can. Or if you’re willing to buy me a ticket to San Francisco, then I would feel honored,” Liam rambled.

“Okay, Li. I promise.”

“Two weeks, you say? Quit your job and let’s make the most out of two weeks.”

The first week before Louis left, he and Liam decided to explore the other boroughs of New York, apart from Manhattan. They first went to Coney Island, where they enjoyed the gorgeous beaches, the seaside resorts, and the various amusement parks, much to Louis’ satisfaction. For the next few days, the two friends decided to go to Staten Island to get onto the free ferry to get a glimpse of the Manhattan skyline and the Statue of Liberty, and then to Brooklyn in order to explore and take a stroll around the Brooklyn Bridge.

The second week was spent in places which weren’t that far from their apartment in Manhattan. They visited the Grand Central, Wall Street, and even the Empire State Building, where Louis planned to throw a penny from the top and led him to being scolded by Liam. Liam and Louis went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and took their time exploring Times Square, where they had fun trying out different New York style pizzas and desserts. And on the day before Louis left, they went to chill in Central Park, where they played soccer with Liam’s mates, before heading off into the night to get smashed at a club.

“Have I made your last two weeks worth your while?” Liam yelled over the music at the club.

“You sure did!” Louis yelled back. “I’m gonna miss New York honestly!”

Two weeks went by quick, and soon, Liam was driving Louis to the airport for him to come back home to where he actually belonged. At the airport, the two lads hugged tightly.

“Don’t you forget about me,” Liam said, quoting the ever-famous Simple Minds song.

“I swear.”

“Remember: it’s either you visit, or you buy me a ticket.”

Louis smiled. “Yes, father, I will remember.”

His friend sighed dramatically. “Three months in, and I’m already attached to you. I’m gonna miss you, pal.”

“I’m gonna miss you too. Thanks for everything, Li, you have no idea.”

“Now go! Before I cry or you miss your flight!”

“Fucker!” Louis laughed. “Goodbye, Liam Payne and New York City!”

“Goodbye, Louis Tomlinson!”

***

After about a six hour flight and an approximately an eighteen minute taxi ride, Louis was stood in front of the familiar door of his house. Nothing much had changed in the neighborhood; it was the same way he left it three months ago. Louis couldn’t believe that he had been blinded, but that didn’t matter now. He was home.

Louis took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell. He busied himself with looking around, trying to find interest in the surroundings as he waited nervously for someone to open the door. Finally, the door opened and there stood his mum.

“Guess who’s back?” Louis said with an anxious chuckle, giving a little wave, too.

His mother’s hands flew up to her mouth, and she gasped in shock. Then, she pulled Louis into a warm embrace. “I’ve missed you so much, Lou.”

“I’ve missed you too, mum.”

Jay ushered her son inside and she yelled to call Louis’ siblings from upstairs so they could check out who was back. Louis was tackled by all six of his siblings, the youngest ones included, accompanied with shouts of “Louis is back!”

“God, I’ve missed all of you,” Louis mumbled.

“Girls,” Jay said. “Let your brother rest. He’s been tired.”

“I’m okay, mum. How about we all go sit on the couch and I’ll tell you all about my escapades in the Big Apple?”

“How about we do it over lunch?”

And so Louis did, as he ate the lunch his mum prepared – beef and mashed potatoes – together with his family. He first apologized for leaving in the first place, with his mum giving him a knowing look. His siblings still had no idea of why he left in the first place, but he was glad that they still loved him when he returned. Louis then told him of the night he first arrived in NYC, and how he looked like a lost puppy. He told them that he was able to meet a nice guy named Liam who was willing to share a house and find him a job. Of course, he left all the details of how he told Liam about his sob story and all the drunken shit. They didn’t need to know. He told them that his short but seemingly long period of time in a new city actually went on nicely. Louis sure as hell didn’t forget to tell them of his last two weeks in the place, which was truly what the escapade was all about. After eating, Louis offered to help with the dishes, but his mum refused the help.

“Why won’t you let me help you?” Louis pouted. “I’m trying to be a good son.”

“You were never a bad son in the first place, only a bit naughty when you were younger,” his mum teased.

“Hey!”

“And besides,” his mother continued. “Don’t you have someone else to see?”

Louis face contorted into realization and he felt his heart clench. “Harry,” he whispered.

“Go on, love. I can take care of this. He needs you.”

“I’m not sure I can do it. I mean, I’ve put him through so much and –” said Louis in a ramble, but he was cut off by his mother.

“I hate to say this, but that’s stupid. If you love him, then you can do it.”

Louis felt his nerves begin to spring alive. He couldn’t bear the thought of Harry hating him. But his mum was right, if Louis loved Harry, everything was worth the risk. Indeed, Louis loved Harry.

He kissed his mum on the cheek and quickly ran outside as if he was in the 1800s and he had to catch up with those steam locomotives. He started up his motorcycle and he was off to the other neighborhood where Harry lived.

When he arrived, he felt himself go high-strung again; nonetheless, he bravely knocked on the door with a shaking hand and waited. A few seconds later, Harry opened the door, and Louis was shocked because wow, Harry looked beautiful as ever. His hair was a bit longer, and his eyes were the same emerald green, only they seemed to be quite void of something. _That’s probably my fault,_ Louis thought to himself.

Harry and Louis couldn’t do anything but just stand there and stare at each other with mixed emotions – awe, sadness, love, wistfulness, affection, shock, it was all there. It was Harry who broke the deafening silence, because his lower lip began to tremble, and in an instant, his hands covered his face as he wept. Louis wasted no time in pulling his boy into his arms. He whispered sweet nothings and reassurances into Harry’s ear.

“Shh,” Louis soothed. “I’m here now. I’ll never leave again, I swear.”

Harry cried even harder and hugged Louis tighter, making sure that Louis wasn’t going anywhere. “I’ve missed you so much, Lou. So much. Oh god.”

Louis brought one of his hands to Harry’s face, cupping his cheek and thumbing at Harry’s lips. Suddenly, he dragged Harry into a fervent kiss, taking his time with the way they were pressed together with such closeness, the way Harry had his arms around Louis’ neck, the way his boy kissed back.

Three months felt like a lifetime, and so the moment they were sharing now felt like there was an orchestra in Harry and Louis’ chest, each and every instrument grasping their hearts, hauling them up and down the musical scale like a crazy piece with notes in prestissimo.

Harry pulled away with a shaky breath and swiftly dragged Louis inside. Louis was quicker though, backing up Harry against the wall with some force and reattaching their lips again once they were inside. (Thank the heavens that there was no sign of Harry’s family; otherwise, it would’ve been a bit awkward.)

Louis removed his lips from Harry’s for a few seconds and said, “I smell like New York and airports.”

“I don’t care,” Harry laughed through his tears. “I’m crying and I probably have snot all over you.” 

Louis shook his head with a small smile and picked Harry up, throwing him over his shoulder. He carried them all the way to Harry’s room, where he laid down Harry gently on the bed. Louis was then on top of Harry, nudging their noses together while the younger lad stifled giggles even though he was still crying a bit. Harry tilted his chin upward to meet Louis’ lips but then placed his hands on Louis’ chest, pushing moderately, the gesture indicating for Louis to sit up. Louis did so and his brows furrowed at Harry’s actions.

Harry crawled over to the sitting boy until his knees were on either side of Louis, and plopped down right there on Louis’ lap. His legs wrapped around Louis’ waist instinctively, and he drew the lad in for another kiss, but this time, their lips locked in a much more heated manner. Louis broke off the lip-lock for a few seconds to catch air, but did not resume kissing Harry. Instead, he teased his lad with a brush of the lips, dragging it slowly to end up pressing a kiss to the corner of Harry’s mouth.

Harry chased Louis’ lips, craving and wanting, but he was left hanging for more by Louis. He whined and grinded down on Louis’ lap, which elicited a groan from the other bloke. Harry could feel Louis’ cock harden underneath him and he brought his and Louis’ foreheads together, eye contact present. 

“I want you, Lou,” Harry murmured. “All of you.”

Louis’ lips parted. “I want you too,” he spoke, hands running down Harry’s body.

Harry shuddered and said, “Then take me.”

Louis’ heart skipped a beat and he smiled softly. He pulled Harry closer, fastening his lips to Harry’s neck and nipping at it. Harry threw his head back and tugged at Louis’ shirt. Louis got the idea and took his shirt off. The pair took turns undressing each other, and once they were stripped down to nothing, they fell back into bed.

Louis’ hand grasped Harry’s throbbing erection and gave it an experimental tug. Harry gasped at the contact, his hands flying up to Louis’ hair. “Louis, please,” he whimpered. “I want you in me now.”

The lad swiped his finger at Harry’s tip, and gave a fond chuckle at his boyfriend’s ambiance – his desire and eagerness for Louis very much obvious in the way he looked. “I gotta open you up first, baby,” Louis whispered directly into Harry’s ear, sending a shiver down the boy’s spine.

“N-now, please,” Harry stammered.

“A second, love,” Louis said, moving away to get what they needed in the drawer. He found the bottle of lube hiding amongst some of Harry’s necessities, and a box of condoms as well. But he looked back at his boy, who was slowly pumping his dick, and he thought about how Harry needed all of him. And so Louis only took the lube and left the condoms.

“Now, now,” Louis uttered. “I thought you needed me, but it seems like you’ve changed your mind already. Oh well.”

Harry removed his hand from his hard-on and let out a loud moan. “Will you just – just fucking – please?”

Louis obliged and scooted over to where Harry was, then kneeling down on the soft mattress and pulling Harry by the legs towards him. He opened the bottle of lubricant and squeezed some onto his fingers. He proceeded to circle Harry’s rim, pink and fluttering, and then entered his index finger in. Louis added a second finger after he had twisted and turned that one finger. Then, he bent down and decided to take Harry’s cock into his mouth. He hollowed his cheeks and bobbed his head up and down while he scissored Harry’s tight hole before ramming both digits in.

Harry let out high-pitched whimpers, and small, consecutive moans with every thrust of Louis’ fingers and every suck. Harry’s moans began to get louder and louder by the second, and that was when Louis knew he found Harry’s prostate. Harry’s dick began to twitch in Louis’ mouth, and he could feel small droplets of white starting to dribble down.

Louis chose that moment to tease Harry, taking his mouth off Harry’s cock and pulling his fingers out, thus leaving the boy beneath a writhing and moaning mess. “That’s enough now,” Louis said to him. “I think you’re ready.”

And then Louis took the lube again, uncapping it and pouring a generous amount on his palm to slick himself up and Harry, too, just for a good measure. He took his length, guided it to Harry’s hole, and pushed in slowly. He began to thrust at an unhurried pace just to make sure he didn’t hurt Harry. He also wanted to savor the moment between them. Louis lifted Harry’s legs up to prop them on his shoulders, and he leaned down to give Harry a kiss. Louis continued rocking into Harry slowly, and the two didn’t stop kissing until Harry whispered against his lips, “A bit faster.” Louis’ thrust picked up speed in no time and his hips were stuttering with every push.

Harry gripped the pacific blue sheets underneath his figure, his knuckles turning white from how hard his fingernails dug into them. He let out breathy and choked moans as Louis moved inside him deeply. It didn’t take long, and he was coming, streaks of white spewing out from his cock. Louis groaned at the sight and felt himself nearing orgasm. He was about to pull out, but Harry, who was struggling to open his eyes, said, “Inside.” That was all it took for Louis to come inside Harry while letting out a few grunts here and there.

The pair stared at each other for a while, their gazes full of love and longing. Louis pulled out and shakily stood up to get a wet flannel from the bathroom.

“Stay,” Harry said with a soft voice, just exposing his vulnerable side.

“Just gonna clean us up,” Louis replied with a voice equally soft.

Louis returned a minute later and proceeded to wipe both of them clean. He tossed the flannel onto the bedside table and laid side by side with Harry. Harry scooted over to rest his head upon Louis’ chest as he felt his heart slow from the intensity while Louis stroked his hair. The pair was cuddled up together in silence, their legs tangled. Unexpectedly, Louis felt something wet dripping onto his chest, and he realized that his boy was crying again.

“Hey, hey,” Louis cooed. “You’re okay, alright? I’m here, I’m here.”

Harry restrained his sniffles and spoke, his voice unsteady. “I love you so much.”

Louis’ breath hitched in his throat and he pressed a light kiss to Harry’s hair. “And I love you,” he replied. “I’m so sorry I left you.”

“It wasn’t easy to let you go, but I understood why you did it,” Harry replied quietly. “I got your shirt and the note. I…went to your house that day and your mum told me.”

“Oh,” Louis murmured. “I…it was difficult for me to leave, but I just had to, you know?”

“I know. I couldn’t bear the thought at first, but I learned how to live with it. I never stopped loving you.”

“I never stopped loving you too, but you’d have to admit, I still hurt you, Harry. And it took me a damn album to get me to my senses.”

Harry wiped his tears away and chuckled. “An album?”

They were face to face, and Louis told Harry everything that happened and felt in New York in his three months. In return, Harry did the same, opening up about how he spent his days and nights in San Francisco without him.

They spent until night in Harry’s bed – talking, kissing, cuddling, and sharing hushed whispers of love. They knew that they would wake up together in the morning, bodies close with the sunlight tapping against their faces. Tomorrow, their reunion would come flooding back to them, and it would leave permanent smiles on their faces. All has been said and done, and they knew everything would go back to the way it used to be – just Louis, Harry, the nights, the days, the moments, the love, and everything in between. Soon, they drifted off into a peaceful slumber, the words “I love you” still hanging in the air. Everything would be okay, and they knew it.


	3. The Aftermath of After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somewhere around a year later.

Harry had always dreamed of going on a trip somewhere with someone he really loved. It didn’t matter when or where, just as long as he was with the person who made his heart flutter like butterflies. And Harry now had a strong sense of belief for that saying, _“Dreams do come true,”_ for here he was, in Santa Monica, having the time of his life with Louis.

When they first arrived in Santa Monica sometime in the early morning, Louis and Harry decided to take a rest, since the long drive tired Louis out. They were staying at this hotel, which had a lovely interior and a gorgeous view of the beachfront. After an hour of cuddling and dozing off, they opted to take the chance of experiencing the beachside escape waiting for them. They caught some rays and splashed in the waves, doing the typical things you’d do if you were by the ocean.

Presently, Louis and Harry walked hand in hand down the Santa Monica Pier. It was sundown, which made his and Louis’ skin glow, allowing them to blend in with the warm hues of the afternoon. The summer heat was still a bit present though, but was balanced out by the gradual blowing of the wind. They were admiring the view that the place offered to them, and they stopped once in a while to take pictures.

“Did you want to go and check out Pacific Park tonight?” Louis questioned Harry, while casually swinging their arms together during the stroll.

Harry hummed in response and tugged his boyfriend to one of the benches facing the ocean. Louis laughed because he knew that Harry’s feet probably ached a little from the walk.  The bridge stretched a bit of a long way, but luckily, their hotel was near it and they were already nearing the park. They took a seat, and Harry rested his head on Louis shoulder, closing his eyes and sighing contentedly.

“Tired?” Louis prompted.

“A bit,” Harry replied. “I just don’t wanna walk anymore.”

“And then there’s another trip back to get to our hotel,” Louis reminded. Harry groaned, which elicited a laugh out of Louis. He pressed a kiss to Harry’s temple and told him that it’d be worth it.

By nightfall, they were in Pacific Park, finally basking into the neon haze of the rides and lights. The rides were all thrilling, and they couldn’t decide where to go on first. Louis suggested that they try the roller coaster first to get them all hyped up.

“Oh no,” Harry said with a playful yet worried face. “I’m not much of a roller coaster guy.”

Louis laughed and pulled on Harry’s hand to lead them to the queue. “There’s nothing you can do about it.”

Before long, Harry and Louis were strapped into the roller coaster seat, holding onto the bars. Well, Harry was gripping it more than holding it, because well, he was not fond of the ride. The next few minutes was a flurry of excited yet fearful screams, with the wind hitting their faces so hard and whipping into their hair. Harry was opening and closing his eyes once in a while, as his boy held on to the bar with one hand, the other one grasping Harry’s to give him comfort. Louis and Harry then got off the ride with shakiness, dizziness, and adrenaline coursing through their veins, grins, messy hair, and a bit of tears on Harry’s side.

“I’m never doing that again,” Harry told Louis.

“How are you certain, love?” Louis teased, which earned him a light smack on the chest.

Unfortunately, they didn’t have all night and the lines to the rides were getting long, so they didn’t get the opportunity to try all the rides. However, both of them were happy anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal. Harry proposed that they check out the fairground games and arcade first, before heading off to the ferris wheel as their last stop.

“The ferris wheel’s always the last stop,” Harry reasoned with Louis.

The boy just shook his head fondly and said, “Dinner first.”

The two of them ate some fast food in the restaurant by the entrance, before proceeding to get themselves some ice cream and cotton candy. Then, they took delight in playing the carnival-themed games, where Louis won Harry a stuffed bear with his perfect aim. Louis also won one for himself, so that he and Harry could match. Before they knew it, the night at the park was about to come to an end. They settled on the ferris wheel for their last ride, where they took in the phenomenal view of Santa Monica in its nightly glory.

“Did you have fun?” Louis asked to where he had Harry tucked into his side.

“Lots of it,” Harry assured him. Louis gave Harry a chaste kiss then and there when the ferris wheel reached its peak.

The walk back to the hotel via the pier was quicker than expected. Louis and Harry walked side by side, hugging the bears close to themselves. When they got back to their room, apparently, the night still wasn’t over for them, because they fooled around in all the many ways one could imagine. They did it backed up against the wall, in which they hoped their neighboring room wouldn’t mind. It had all ended in laughter while Louis was inside his lad. Louis also took a shot at being fucked by Harry, after getting eaten out.  Their bodies would be littered with bruises, but they gave no care in the world. 

They made the most out of their next day in Santa Monica – checking out the iconic carousel and Third Street Promenade. That night, they sat in the sand, arms around each other. The beach held no one in sight, so they sat in silence. The only sounds they could hear were the sounds of the waves hitting the shore and each other’s hushed voices. They spoke of how they’d want more of those trips in the near future, whether it be just the two of them, with their family, with Niall, Zayn, and hell, even Liam. Harry smiled to himself at the fact that he had a future with Louis.

“You know,” Harry said. “I love you very much.”

Louis let out a laugh and replied, “I love you too.”

Louis drove them home the next day, with Harry beside him in the front seat. By some twisted luck, their GPS acted up and Louis managed to get them lost. They didn’t really know where they were – nothing but fields and trees filling their sight. They chose to drive around for a bit, mostly for fun, but so they could also find someone to ask for directions. Harry and Louis didn’t take the situation to heart and just laughed it off, because honestly? They were just two kids actually lost in love. Besides, home was whenever they were together. San Francisco could wait for just a few more minutes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> twitter: @inkedaffection  
> tumblr: earthtoianna


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